Pants of the Eternal Wedgie
by taulaes
Summary: ObiWan needs few new sets of robes, but ends up getting a pair that are VERY uncomfortable.
1. The Deal

Title: The Pants fo the Eternal Wedgie 

Chapter: One. The Deal

Author: Taulaes

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or any of the associated characters. I am not George Lucas and I do not profit from this fanfic.

-

Qui-Gon Jinn lead Obi-Wan Kenobi, his new Padawan, to the clothes' fitters. Obi-Wan needed a few new set of robes now that he was a Padawan and not just an initiate anymore. The two robe sets had very few differences and the initiate robes that still fit Obi-Wan could be made to look like Padawans' robes. "Padawan, how many new robes do you need?" asked Qui-Gon.

"I don't know, Master," replied Obi-Wan.

"Well, how many pairs of robes to you have now? Or, at least, the ones that are wearable in public," Master Jinn wondered.

"There's this pair that I'm wearing now, Master. I know there's this one, the one I wore yesterday, and a pair I will wear tomorrow . . . I have at least three pairs . . . Maybe. Actually, I don't know if tomorrow's pair is wearable," Obi-Wan said, almost sounding shamed.

"Do you at least know what size you wear?"

"Well, err, no . . . I bet if you ask any other Padawan, they wouldn't know either," stated Obi-Wan.

"What will you bet?" Qui-Gon was determined to teach his new Padawan a lesson.

"I will bet my homemade chocolate cheesecake," Obi-Wan said proudly.

"That's it? Cheesecake? You're betting cheesecake?" said Qui-Gon, half mockingly.

"Yes, Master. You've never tasted my chocolate cheesecake before. But because you seem to think that isn't an adequate bet . . . I will also bet that if you win, I will do dishes for a week," Obi-Wan said, just as mockingly as his master.

"But for as long as you've been my Padawan, which is now nearing two months, you've always done dishes. I expect it from you now. To make it more interesting, let us say that, if I win, not only will you make me some of this alleged best chocolate cheesecake ever, but you shall also repair all your robes that are not wearable in public," Qui-Gon suggested.

"It's a deal, on one condition. You see, this, so far, is a one-sided bet. What happens if I win, Master?" asked Obi-Wan slyly.

"Padawan, I do not think that you shall win, but seeing how you are hopeful . . . If you win, which is unlikely, I shall repair all your unwearable robes, do the dishes for a month, and agree to give you an allowance with the monetary level at your choosing."

"Deal," the eleven-year-old Padawan said.

The Master and his Padawan shook hands to finalize the bet and headed on their way to the clothes' fitters. Both were smiling. Obi-Wan grinned because he believed he was going to win. Qui-Gon did because he had some cards up his sleeves.

END OF CHAPTER ONE


	2. Winning the Bet

Title: The Pants fo the Eternal Wedgie 

Chapter: Two. Winning the Bet

Author: Taulaes

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or any of the associated characters. The characters in this fanfic that are my own creation are Naedre Onga and Carro Monor(even if Carro was only mentioned by name). I am not George Lucas and I do not profit from this fanfic.

A/N: 'insert text' denotes Obi-Wan's thoughts

-insert text- denotes Obi-Wan talking to Qui-Gon through the bond

/insert text/ denotes Qui-Gon talking to Obi-Wan through the bond

-  
The Master and the Padawan, both grinning like fools, walked down the nearly empty corridors of the Jedi Temple. Both believed they would win the bet, but one was wrong in their thinking. They had walked down three hallways and still hadn't found any other Padawans. "Looks like I won the bet by default, Master. We haven't found anyone for you to ask. I win. Let's just go to the clothes' fitters, then later you can hold up your end of the deal," Obi-Wan said.

"Ah, but in our deal, you never mentioned a specific time frame in which this bet had to be completed. Therefore, who have not won and I do not have to hold up my end of our deal," Qui-Gon stated.

The Padawan let out a sigh when his hopes of easily winning this bet vanished. With luck, they wouldn't see any other Padawans and Qui-Gon wouldn't go off searching for one. Slowly, they made their way to the clothes' fitters. About half way there, the two saw a group of Padawans. "Well, there you go, Master, choose one of them and ask. They won't know the size, I can tell you that much," Obi-Wan said.

"The Padawan whom I ask shall be of my choosing. Though those may be Padawans, they are not the ones I will be asking about sizes," Qui-Gon responded.

"That's not fair, Master. You'll just go and find the Padawan that looks the smartest. Or, though not bright, the one that looks to have fashion sense," Obi-Wan complained.

"Of course, it's fair, my Padawan, for I am the Master. And don't be so whinny or I may have to send you off to some desert planet. You know, very well, that the Jedi training clearly forbids complaints. 'A Jedi shall not know fear. Nor hate. Nor love. Nor shall they complain.' That last bit is often left out, but is still no less important," Qui-Gon explained.

Quietly, they continued on their way. At least ten minutes passed and they still hadn't reached the clothes' fitters.

'How far away is the clothes' fitters, anyway? It's taking forever to get there!'

Obi-Wan would have continued his thought process, if Qui-Gon didn't motion for him to stop. "There," ---Qui-Gon pointed to a female Padawan who looked a little older than Obi-Wan--- "She's the one I will be asking. Now, you must remain here. And please, don't do anything stupid," Qui-Gon said.

'Why is he asking a girl?'

The Padawan would have stopped his Master, if Qui-Gon hadn't already reached the young girl. Obi-Wan was out of earshot. He wanted to hear, but he also didn't want to upset Qui-Gon by leaving the spot he was instructed to stay in. With a sigh, Obi-Wan plopped down onto the floor and waited for his Master to be finished; and to admit his loss.

Back over with Qui-Gon, he had started a conversation with the Padawan. "Hello," Qui-Gon said and offered his hand for a hand shake, "My name is Qui-Gon Jinn. I am the Jedi Master of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Do you know him and what is your name?"

The girl gave Qui-Gon an odd look that seemed to say, 'What do you want? And why are you talking to me?' Qui-Gon didn't see this though. "I don't personally know him. If he walked into the quarters my Master and I share, I'd know it was him. I know that he's that Padawan over there, sitting on the floor. My name is Naedre Onga; my Master is Carro Monor."

/Padawan! Why are you sitting on the floor? I thought I told you to try not to do anything stupid./

-Well, you see, Master, I can only stand up for so long with nothing to do before my knees start to hurt.-

/What am I going to do with you/

-Not send me to the Agri-Corp, I hope. I don't want to escape from that job again.-

"Well, Naedre, my Padawan and I have a little wager going. I won't go into the details of it, but I will tell you some vital information you will need to know," Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan saw the two talking and wondered what was going on. What could his Master possibly be talking about with her for so long? Then a startling thought entered Obi-Wan's mind.

-Master!-

/What Obi-Wan? Are you okay? Why do you sound panicked/

-You don't want to be my Master anymore, do you?-

/What gave you that idea/

-Well, you've been talking to that girl for so long... You want her to be your new Padawan. You're going to send me off to the Agri-Corp!-

/Don't be silly. I'm coming back over now. So stand up and have some dignity. Naedre, the girl, she's coming over with me too, okay? No need to be alarmed when you see her following me./

With a sigh of relief, Obi-Wan looked up and saw Qui-Gon striding over with Naedre behind him. Even though his Master had told him, Obi-Wan was still alarmed to see her. He knew her! They had sparred once when they were still both initiates. And she had won, leaving Obi-Wan mocked for ages for being beaten by a girl. But this was no time to start a rivalry, he had to be calm; he had a bet to win! "Hi, Obi-Wan! I remember you! We sparred and I beat you! You were mocked for ages. Quite sad actually," Naedre said.

Obi-Wan knew that if he had nothing nice to say, it was better to just say nothing at all. He practiced his deep breathing techniques that he learned from doing yoga with Yoda.

/Padawan, your eye is twitching. It's your left one. Please excuse me if I start to laugh./

-Just get this over with.-

"So, Naedre. Let's put the past behind us, shall we? We have a few questions to ask..." Obi-Wan was cut off by Qui-Gon.

"Actually, Naedre, I have a few questions to ask you. My Padawan shall remain quiet. No matter how much he wishes to speak," Qui-Gon said with a glare at Obi-Wan.

"Okay. Ask away. Well, unless this is some weird survey the Council has sent out. Then, I plead the Fifth," Naedre said.

"Ok, first, how many new robes does my Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi need?" Qui-Gon asked.

Obi-Wan was absolutely shocked, no, appalled by that question. That is not at all what he meant when he challenge his Master to a bet. "He needs at least three new sets of Padawan robes. Mostly just for special occasions," Naedre responded.

"Very good. You are correct. Next question. How many robes does my Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi, have? This is including the ones that are not necessarily wearable in public," Qui-Gon explained.

"He owns twelve sets. But only three are wearable in public. And even the third pair is a bit boarder line," Naedre responded.

"Once again, correct. And, finally, the last question. What size does my Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi, wear?" Qui-Gon had a smug look on his face.

"He wears a size three for Padawan robes and size nine for initiate robes," Naedre said.

"Very good. You may leave. Thank you for your time," Qui-Gon thanked her.

With a wave to Obi-Wan, who's jaw almost reached the floor, and a laugh, Naedre skipped off. "Well, I believe you need to be making chocolate cheesecake and repairing those twelve sets of robes, Padawan," Qui-Gon said nonchalantly.

"What? How? Why?" Obi-Wan's eye got all twitchy again, "GAH! I'm not going to bother to ask!"

Obi-Wan threw his hands into the air and stormed off in the direction that he believed the clothes' fitters to be in. Once again, he was beaten by a girl, who this time, was in cahoots with his own Master; and it was the same girl! His own Master had been manipulative, cunning, and sly. Obi-Wan wanted to be just like him.

Looking back on the years to come, Obi-Wan would realize that his Master, Qui-Gon Jinn, always did have a gambling problem.

END OF CHAPTER TWO


	3. In Transit

Title: The Pants fo the Eternal Wedgie 

Chapter: Three. In Transit

Author: Taulaes

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or any of the associated characters. The character in this part of this fanfic that is my own creation is Naedre Onga. I am not George Lucas and I do not profit from this fanfic.

-

Qui-Gon caught up with his distraught Padawan. Obi-Wan had stormed off with out realizing what direction he was going in and was now heading away from the clothes' fitters. "Obi-Wan..." Qui-Gon began to talk.

"No, Master. Don't talk to me. You tricked me. I cannot talk to you right now. Let's just go to the clothes' fitters and be done with it," Obi-Wan said with an exasperated sigh.

"We would do that, Padawan, except that you are not going in the direction of the clothes' fitters. If I'm correct, you are heading toward the refreshers. We want to be going that way," Qui-Gon pointed.

"I meant to be going toward the refreshers. I have to pee," Obi-Wan said.

"Obi-Wan, I only needed to know that you needed to use the facilities, not what you were going to do there. That was too much information," Qui-Gon said.

"Now, stop talking to me, please. I told you, I'm not talking to you right now, Master," Obi-Wan exclaimed.

There was silence as they walked the rest of the way to the refreshers. Qui-Gon knew that he Padawan was lying and didn't really have to pee, but he'd humor him. They arrived at the refreshers and Obi-Wan tried to open the door, but found that it was locked. "Looks like you'll have to wait to pee, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said.

With a sigh, Obi-Wan said, "I realize that, Master. Now, I will say it only once more; don't talk to me."

Qui-Gon shrugged and turned away from his Padawan. A few minutes went by and the refresher door opened. Out of the refresher walked a young Padawan. She was around Obi-Wan's age and a look of surprise and joy lit up her face when she saw Obi-Wan. "Obi-Wan! Remember me? It's Naedre! Have you gone to the clothes' fitters yet? I mean, you need three new sets of Padawan robes," Naedre said, while tackle-hugging Obi-Wan to the ground.

"Augh! Get off me!" Obi-Wan yelled, while pushing Naedre off him.

Naedre jumped up and waved. "Well, I got to go. Have fun in the refresher, Obi-Wan! See you, Master Qui-Gon Jinn," Naedre said.

She skipped off, humming some song joyfully. "Well, Padawan, I believe you've made a new friend today," Qui-Gon said, "Now, go to the refresher."

Obi-Wan grumbled something inaudible and entered the refresher. He didn't really have to go, but he didn't want to admit to his Master that he had been going the wrong way. "I'll just have to stay in here for a short while. Oh, I can't believe that Qui-Gon would be so deceiving. And what's up with that Naedre Onga? Why does she feel like she needs to torment me? First she beats me in sparring. Then she's a part of a plot against me. And just now she tackled me to the ground! What next?" Obi-Wan said exasperated.

From outside the refresher, Obi-Wan heard his Master ask, "Obi-Wan, are you talking to yourself? That's not normal. Now, come on, we have to go. I know you don't really have to go pee."

Sulking, Obi-Wan exited the refresher. "I'm still not talking to you, Master," Obi-Wan pointed out.

With a shrug, Qui-Gon led the way to the clothes' fitters. The correct way there. Not another side trip to the refreshers. Which Obi-Wan was thankful of. He really didn't want to be caught talking to himself again.

END OF CHAPTER THREE


	4. At the Clothes' Fitters

Title: The Pants fo the Eternal Wedgie 

Chapter: Four. At the Clothes' Fitters

Author: Taulaes

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or any of the associated characters. I am not George Lucas and I do not profit from this fanfic.

-

Quietly, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan entered the waiting room of the clothes' fitters. upon their arrival, they were greeted by a protocol droid. "Good day," the droid said in a feminine robotic drone, "I am Q-4P3. I have been programed to act as a secretary for Quick Stitch, the clothes' fitters for the Jedi Temple. You are twenty minutes late for your appointment."

"Well, you see, my Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi, had to," Qui-Gon began to explain.

"I had to go pee, Q-4P3," Obi-Wan said as-a-matter-of-factly.

The droid seemed taken a back by Obi-Wan's statement. "Oh, my. I didn't need to know that, sir," Q-4P3 said shocked.

"I told you, Obi-Wan. People don't need to know what it is you're going to do in the refresher. It's just too much information," Qui-Gon stated.

"Well, you may now enter," the droid motioned to the office door.

Qui-Gon bowed and opened the door. He entered and Obi-Wan followed. A short, alien-like creature was running around with needles in hand. "BY THE FORCE! Needles! Save me, Master!" Obi-Wan yelled.

"Obi. Obi-Wan. Calm down. The needles aren't healer's needles. You're not getting shots. It's okay," Qui-Gon wrapped Obi-Wan in a hug.

"Okay, Master. I think it's good now. Thanks for the hug, by the by. So, now it's time to get new robes. What do I need to do?" Obi-Wan asked.

The short, alien-like creature looked at Obi-Wan. "I'm Reda. I'm the chief seamstress at Quick Stitch. the first thing you need to do is get out of your clothes. You need to strip down to your underwear," Read said very seriously.

"WHAT! It's cold out. I'm not going to stand around in nothing, but my underwear," Obi-Wan stuttered.

Slowly, Reda pulled out some needles from behind her back and inspected them threateningly. "Or maybe I will stand around in nothing, but my underwear in the cold," Obi-Wan said panicked.

Quickly, Obi-Wan undressed down to his underwear. Qui-Gon almost choked on his spit. Not only was Obi-Wan extremely pale and skinny, but... "Obi-Wan! You where tighty-whities? Wow! How embarrassing. Why do you where tighty-whities? It's not like you've got anything to hold in place. If I were you, I'd switch to boxers," Qui-Gon laughed.

"Hey! I like my underwear. It's comfortable," Obi-Wan pranced around in his undies.

"Okay. I think I deserve a few extra credits for having to see Mr.Tighty-Whitey in his underwear," Reda stated. Other than the tightly-whitey fiasco, the visit to the clothes' fitters was relatively normal. Obi-Wan got his robes and they left. Over the com-link, Qui-Gon received a message that he and Obi-Wan were to attend a Council meeting the next day. "Do you know what this means?" Qui-Gon asked, "This means that you get to wear your new robes!"

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and sighed.

END OF CHAPTER FOUR


	5. Council Meeting

Title: The Pants fo the Eternal Wedgie 

Chapter: Five. Council Meeting

Author: Taulaes

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or any of the associated characters. I am not George Lucas and I do not profit from this fanfic.

-

"Master, my robe fits funny," Obi-Wan complained.

It was the day that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan needed to go to the Council meeting. Obi-Wan had to wear his new robes so that he'd look presentable. The things was, the pants fit funny. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something wasn't right. It might have been that for the first time, Obi-Wan was wearing boxers; not tighty-whities. "Master, I'm changing back to the tighy-whities. I think the boxers are riding up on me," Obi-Wan stated.

"Padawan, this is like the whole using the refresher thing. People don't need to know what it is, exactly, that you are doing," Qui-Gon explained, "Now, hurry up. We have to go."

Quickly, Obi-Wan changed back into his old, comfortable, tighty-whities. He felt very relieved. He skipped out in to the foyer. "I'm ready to go, Master," he said happily.

"You take longer getting ready than a woman does," Qui-Gon mumbled.

Obi-Wan took no notice to the sarcasm. As, he was already bounding off down the hall. The aged Jedi Master had to run to catch up with his Padawan. Right as Qui-Gon caught up with him, abrubtly, Obi-Wan stopped. "Uh-oh. There is a disturbance in the Force," Obi-Wan said.

"What it is Obi-Wan? What is it that you sense?" Qui-Gon asked curiously.

"I have a wedgie," Obi-Wan stated uncomfortabley.

"You have an issue, then, don't you?" Qui-Gon said.

"What should I do? I mean, obviously, I should pick the wedgie. I can't do that right here in the hall; someone might see!" Obi-Wan said drasticly, "We'll have to go to the refresher."

"That's just what you'll have to do, Padawan. We're not going back to the refreshers so you can talk to yourself again. We're the only one's in the hall. You can go stand in the corner over there and I won't look. Then you can pick your wedgie," Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan scowled. "I'll just walk up there. In fact, I'll start over to the Council room. See you there, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon waved.

Qui-Gon went off in the direction of the Council room. Obi-Wan looked around and made sure that no one was looking. Then, he picked his wedgie. He ran to catch up with his Master. He ran all the way to the Council room because Qui-Gon had gotten there. Qui-Gon didn't even look at Obi-Wan before he opened the room's door. "Welcome, Master Jinn and Padawan Kenobi," Mace Windu said.

"Hello, Master Windu. Where is Master Yoda?" Qui-Gon asked.

"He's visiting his Jedi sister on their home planet," Master Windu explained, "He's hoping that he'll be able to talk her into joining the Council. Her name is Yaddle."

'Two mini trolls? I can hardly understand one mini troll. This isn't good,' Obi-Wan thought, 'Uh-oh. I feel another wedgie coming on.'

Obi-Wan looked at his Master. Qui-Gon was deep in a discusion about their next mission. It wouldn't be the greatest idea to interrupt him. If there weren't so many people around, Obi-Wan could pick his wedgie. He couldn't risk the Council members seeing. With out knowing, Obi-Wan's left eye began twitching. "Is there something wrong with your Padawan, Qui-Gon? His eye is twitching," Mace asked.

"Oh, he only does that when, well, actually, I don't really know why he does that," Qui-Gon stated.

"Master," Obi-Wan said, "Can I say something? Something that the rest of the Council doesn't need to hear."

"Of course, Padawan," Qui-Gon said.

The Padawan grabbed his Master by the arm and dragged him out of the Council room. He slammed the door once he was out in the hall. "These pants are horrible! I must destroy them! They are the pants of the eternal wedgie!" Obi-Wan yelled.

Quickly, Obi-Wan took of his pants. He took his light saber of his belt and threw the pants up in the air. Before the pant hit the ground, they were in half. "Well, that's done," Obi-Wan said proudly.

The door to the Council room opened. Master Poof stuck his heda out the opening. "Is everything okay, out here?" he asked, but then saw Obi-Wan's underwear, "You wear tighy-whities? Council members! Come see this! Padawan Kenobi wears tighy-whities."

The rest of the Council crowded around the open door and laughed at Obi-Wan. "Okay, from now on, even if the boxers annoy me, I'm going to wear them. Today, I become a man and wear boxers from now on," Obi-Wan said and stormed off.

THE END

A/N: Alas! the pants of the eternal wedgie are a true thing! They are real! I own them and they are just like, wow. It's insane. Please review!


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